Quick Update on Song of Betrayal

    So here is the quick and dirty news about Song of Betrayal. After much wrangling, I was given 2 choices. Rewrite the entire novel in first person with Gwen as the lead character. In this I would lose Winn’s voice as well as Aria’s father and Uncle’s voice and two other plot building scenes. It would be effectively starting back at square one only with more understanding of the world.

    The second choice was to merge in Pyrrhic Victory song in as the first three chapters and cut 27,000 words from the novel so it falls back to 70,000 words. In this I would lose background and some non essential text as well as shift the introduction of the actual mermaid from page one to page 12 (roughly just inside the submissions area)
    So I chose the second option. I believe Pyrrhic Victory song does a better job of introducing the characters than the first 3 chapters of Song of Betrayal ever did. Plus its actually the first time I wrote the characters freely not as faux representatives of Glee.
    So that being said what changes?


  • The character Jen Parks who I had introduced in my fan fiction and was a hangover from my other abortive series of Travelers etc is gone. All her scenes are being removed. This is a major change because it effects how Gwen becomes princess. In one sense it makes Gwen a stronger person. She figures it out on her own, rather than leaning on someone else.
  • Tom is more rounded. Since you meet and know his struggle early on, his victory at the end is more profound and not diminished by Jen.
  • Reagan Dawn becomes a minor character and the Balor twins due too. There is a scene in the opening chapter that will be changes to Reagan rather than Brittany because it is easier to have an established friend rather than a throwaway for a pivotal early scene.
  • Antarctica becomes more profound. Since you actually meet and know Lorelei actually seeing her standing in there and realizing she’s wearing her cheer jacket and rings becomes more moving.
  • The real life people I used. (Kelly Clarkson, Narvel Blackstone, Dr. Luke, World Cup coach Antico) were removed. I replaced them in the Pyrrhic victory song with similar people. You know who I referencing. Also I created a global cheer organization to replace USASF as well. Other than known brands, there is now no organization that is real world mentioned save Cheer Athletics once as aside. (Taiji and the murderous dolphin hunters remain. More on that below)
  • Finally, the remainder of the Glee component is gone. I organically started as glee/mermaid/game of thrones
    Its much different now. Its mermaids, competitive cheer, warriors over the fate of their secret society.

    The story really didn’t make good sense. It worked but the glee aspect made it more drama and diminished the fact that they were dealing rulership and literal live and death.
    Example: When Ned on Game of Thrones died, it changed the dynamic of the North. Same when Robb died. When Joffery was murdered it changed everything. None were played off as unimportant. My point is: The first several iterations of the novel orbited around Aria’s desire to be on Broadway, which isn’t her call, and its effect on everyone opposed to Gwen’s desire to delay her own call via the horrid events of the last years. Aria’s actions force her hand. Right now, you only see Gwen’s actions. You don’t know why. You learn of the girls but other than the mermaid swimming, you see little actual siren, little actual cheer and mostly Tom Gwen bond and GOT style manipulations with Jen. It appears that Gwen is the antagonist.

Now the story will orbit around Gwen and her being a siren. The golden ticket becomes the only storyline. (Aria’s storyline while stealing the ticket had nothing to do with it beyond it.)Gwen is the protagonist. Aria is the antagonist.

    Best part is you have already read the first three chapters. I will post the fourth chapter online to fulfill my promise but following that I won’t post anymore until September. (if I don’t get money to publish I will go the Amazon route)
    Anyway thanks for following. And Go Cheer Athletics Cheetahs! They are going for a second Worlds ring Friday (April 25), Saturday(26) and Sunday(27) in Orlando at Walt disney world.
    Finally I am updating the Pyrrhic Victory Song I posted here to reflected the correct version soon. Its edited now and correct. (i caught some inconsistencies as well as some misspellings)
         Until the next post!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s